A Baby For Me? No Thank You, Please!!
Written & Performed by Bailey Swilley; Directed by Desmond Thorne
Presented by the New York City Fringe Festival
The Rat NYC | 68-117 Jay St, Brooklyn, NY 11201
Fri April 3 at 8:10pm, Mon April 6 at 6:30pm, Tue April 14 at 9:50pm & Thu April 16 at 9:50pm
Photo Credit: JT Anderson
“You’re already so maternal!”
“That leg shaking… that’s how you’ll calm the baby!”
“Are you having kids?”
“You’ll change your mind.”
“You have to have kids.”
“You’re going to regret it.”
These are some of the things routinely said to women who do not have children—comments that are rude, invasive, and exhausting. A Baby For Me? No Thank You, Please! is Bailey Swilley’s deeply personal and sharply observed response to that cultural pressure. Her story resonates with many women who have chosen not to have children and are nevertheless subjected to judgment, disbelief, and outright persecution by society.
Set in the intimate space at The Rat NYC, the staging is deliberately minimal: a clothing rack, a white chair, and a screen for video projections. This simplicity allows the audience to focus entirely on Swilley’s storytelling. She walks us through knowing from an early age that she did not want children, while paradoxically becoming the “mom friend” because of her empathy and emotional intelligence. By the way, these qualities society often insists must lead to motherhood.
Her first visit to the OBGYN is particularly unsettling. At 21, she is questioned about her sexual history, and when she says she is a virgin, the doctor doesn’t believe her. The moment exposes how women’s bodies are constantly policed and disbelieved, especially when they don’t conform to expected narratives. For a time, it seems as though people accept Swilley’s decision not to have children—until she gets married.
From her wedding day forward, the questions intensify and multiply. What had once been dismissed as a “phase” is suddenly treated as alarming now that she has a husband. Her family, particularly her Taiwanese grandmother, struggles to comprehend the decision at all; culturally, Swilley jokes, it’s as if she has “killed” her grandmother with this choice. The humor is sharp, but the generational and cultural weight behind it is very real.
One of the show’s most pointed observations is that no one speaks to men this way. Men are not warned, interrogated, or pitied for choosing not to have children. Meanwhile, parents themselves frequently sound miserable when describing their own lives yet still insist everyone else should follow the same path. Swilley even turns to childfree TikTok influencers for reassurance, only to find the content ultimately hollow. A visit to a friend in Amsterdam culminates in an outrageously funny and enraged question: “But how else will you eat your own placenta?!”
The second half of the show shifts dramatically in tone as Swilley recounts a visit to her OBGYN after experiencing ovarian pain. What follows is a harrowing and visceral account of her IUD experience. As she describes the physical pain and medical dismissal she endured, the audience is visibly affected. It feels as though every woman in the room is reliving a version of the story alongside her. The physical, mental, and emotional trauma she conveys is difficult to articulate unless you have lived it—and Swilley makes that truth impossible to ignore.
A Baby For Me? No Thank You, Please! is funny, angry, vulnerable, and painfully recognizable. It is a powerful reminder that autonomy over one’s body and future should not require justification. Sometimes, being a “fur mommy” is more than enough and sometimes, choosing yourself is the most radical act of all.
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Review by Malini Singh McDonald.
Published by Theatre Beyond Broadway on April 7, 2026. All rights reserved.